


What's Done Cannot Be Undone

by JediDryad



Series: Somewhere in the Force [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 13:22:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13682547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JediDryad/pseuds/JediDryad
Summary: Different choices lead to different outcomes, but some destinies cannot be escaped. One recently departed Jedi Master is about to learn about some unfinished business he didn't know he had.There's plenty of room in the canon for Mara Jade.





	What's Done Cannot Be Undone

Chapter One: Seeing Dead People

 

She didn’t remember when the first strands of grey appeared. She had been too busy to notice. In any case, despite a certain vain attachment she had always felt towards her red hair, she’d had to admit she’d been pleasantly surprised to see them.

 

She had certainly not expected to live this long. Considering her life and the state of the galaxy she’d been born into, the odds had always been heavily against it. And there were definitely times she had considered taking those odds into her own hands and zeroing them completely.

 

Sometimes, it still seemed like a good idea to her.

 

Life did not look kindly upon ex Imperial assassins, and why should it? 

 

It had not been kindness that forced her into that life and there was certainly little of it waiting when she came out. 

 

It was not just the acts that haunted her, although, even after so long, she still could not sleep at night before she counted each one of her targets and recalled their names and faces. Her hands would never be clean. She had also been punished for her disloyalty, and although she prided herself in holding firm to her choice, it had cost her dearly.

 

The very fact that she could stand her in her own kitchen, in her own cottage by the sea and catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror by the back door was light years beyond the life she could have expected for herself even ten years before. It had seemed that, at long last, the Force had given her a break. 

 

But she couldn’t bring herself to trust it. Things don’t go away just because you get away from them. They follow you...forever.

 

And that was made all too clear to her that morning when, as she turned from spreading jam on toast, he materialized in her kitchen between the chilling unit and the caf maker.

 

Luke Skywalker.

 

Despite having snapped awake that morning with the sense that something big was in the offing, she was unprepared for it. No one’s ever ready for their nemesis to filter in, atom by atom until they block the fruit bowl.

 

Caught completely off guard, sudden rage and agony fought for supremacy in her mind. Both waves of feeling were quickly topped by a nauseating fear, because those emotions signalled an unravelling. In an instant, all her years of painstaking labour came undone.

 

She could feel the compulsion battering against the mental bars she’d forged for it and she fought for the cage to hold.

 

“How dare you?” she hissed at the robed and bearded figure standing silently before her.

 

“How dare you come here?”

 

He looked confused.

 

“Where am I?” he began, “Who are you?” 

 

He looked a little nonplussed as he shot a mild glance at the blade in her right hand. She didn’t remember grabbing it from the counter. The handle was still sticky from scraping the last bit of berry jam out of the bottom of the jar: a silly indulgence, but she never got many of those.

 

Now, she could feel a humourless laugh bubbling up from a murky pit inside of her.

 

He didn’t even know who she was. Of course he didn’t. That was the point, after all: the decisions she’d made, the places and life she’d stayed away from. The whole purpose was to avoid this moment.

 

_ You will kill Luke Skywalker! _

 

Her mental rhythms failed in the face of the sudden onslaught. She could feel the bars of the cage bend and then snap under the force of the desire so long repressed she thought this time she’d had it beat.

 

For years, she’d studied all the texts she could scrounge up, spoken to all the wise and holy people the galaxy could offer someone of her diminished standing  - and a number of charlatans and flimflam artists along the way - all to keep from doing what she suddenly could not fight any longer.

 

The part of her that always stood aside and observed could hear her cry of rage and capitulation as the blade in her hand soared end over end across the room to plant itself with deadly accuracy in the chest of the Jedi - only to pass right through him and stick in the wall behind him instead.

 

It was hard to tell which was more overwhelming, the shame of her loss of control, or the sheer idiocy of her actions. Of course he wasn’t actually here.

 

She stumbled back a few steps and fell against the wall.

 

There was the tiniest smirk on Luke Skywalker’s face. 

 

“That’s not going to do much. I’m already dead,” he mocked.

 

In the back of her mind, the commanding voice that had been the total centre of her life, fell silent.

 

Vision clouding, she slid down the wall to the floor. The darkness of unconsciousness beckoned from the edge of her sense. She didn’t feel much like resisting it.

 

“Hey,”  his voice was concerned, “I might be dead but you still need to breathe.”

 

That brought her out of it. She filled her lungs and, after a second, opened her eyes again. He was about a foot away, appearing to kneel at her side. The expression on his face was earnest, blue eyes intense. There was no trace of the mocking smirk of a moment ago.

 

She stared at him for a moment, cataloguing his discernible features, trying to trigger the old command through recognition.

 

Nothing.

 

It was gone. 

 

It was...over.

 

This was it? Thirty years of fighting, and now it was over?

 

She knew her eyes were as wild as her emotions as she got to her feet. The ghost stood up alongside her, arm out as though he were attempting to help her stand.  She snorted briefly under her breath. The only thing more ridiculous than a ghost trying to help her up was the fact that she had just instinctively waved him off, again, as though he were a physical presence.  

 

She averted her eyes. Just because she was no longer filled with augmented hatred at the very memory of his face, didn’t mean she felt like looking at him. 

 

Besides, if the past was anything to go by, the mental storm she’d just dealt with was probably going to leave her with a vicious headache at the very least. That feeling from the morning was right. Something big had happened, and she really didn’t know what to do with it.

 

She wanted to be alone.

 

Ignoring the the ghost, she strode across the room and burst through the doors to the back porch of the humble cottage. She leaned her forearms on the railing and stared out at the water below. The sun shone down as the ailloweits swooped and dove along the shore. She sucked in a deep breath and felt the oxygen flow into her bloodstream and refresh her mind. Something had lifted, but she still felt too heavy. 

 

Her brain was clear at last, but somehow she had failed anyway.

 

Luke Skywalker rose in front of her again. The ghost just couldn’t take a hint. She turned away.

 

“Hold on.” he tried again, carefully calm, as though she were an animal that could spook easily, “Don’t run away on me. I’ve got a million questions.”

 

She whirled on him, incredulous.

 

“You’ve got a million questions?” she snapped. The nerve of him. All her work was forfeit and he wanted her to explain it to him?

 

“What were you thinking, Skywalker?”

 

He looked confused. She had a sneaking suspicion that was a normal thing for him.

 

“All this effort and you run off and get yourself killed anyway.”

 

“That wasn’t quite how it…”

 

He broke off, “Wait, you’re upset I’m dead? You just tried to stab me through the heart.”

 

“Well, you’re the idiot who showed up here. Uninvited, I might add.”

 

He blinked a few times and cocked his head at her for a moment, clearly unsure what to make of her. Then he seemed to relax and shed a few years in the process.

 

“You stab all of your surprise visitors?”

 

“Just you.” she answered, “Everyone else knows better.”

 

“Well that’s good. Otherwise you might have killed somebody.”

 

He thought this was something to joke about? Oh, if she could find that dodgy necromancer she’d run afoul of on Phorliss, she’d bring the arrogant fool back and kill him herself.

 

She was certain this fresh murderous desire was hers alone, and the idea that she might actually regret not killing him just added to that growing sense of futility filling her.

 

Life really was pointless wasn’t it: a ship of fools going nowhere.

 

“Really, Skywalker?,” She felt the weariness in her voice wash over her, “You’ve completely destroyed my life, y’know. You could at least show some contrition for that.”

 

All traces of humour slid off his face as though the bottom had dropped out of him.

 

“What did I do to you?” he asked quietly, clearly afraid of the answer.

 

His sudden bleakness, made her soften. He wasn’t completely clueless then. He had no doubt of his capacity for destruction and he readily believed that he’d done this to her, through some act of carelessness.

 

Now she felt guilty. On a rational level, she’d long known that none of this was his fault, but logic is one thing and emotional residue another entirely.

 

“Nothing,” she muttered. Maybe she’d been out of her own control for so long, she no longer knew how to hold herself in check.

 

She glanced up at him.

 

“How long have you been dead?”

 

He shrugged.

 

“I don’t know. Feels like it just happened.”

 

“Who got you?”

 

“No one. It was my time. I felt myself fade away, and then I was here.”

 

Her eyebrows rose.

 

“Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master just fades away in his sleep?”

 

“No, not exactly, but there’s nobody out there for you to exact vengeance on for killing me before you had the chance, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

 

The rueful snort of laughter was involuntary.  She couldn’t tell whether she was more surprised to suddenly find herself freed from her curse, or that the galaxy’s ultimate pillar of all that was right and good seemed to have a cynical edge.

 

He seemed to enjoy her reaction.

 

“How long have you wanted to kill me?”

 

“Thirty years...give or take.”  It sounded so preposterous when she said it out loud.

 

“And you decided the most efficient way was to hole up here  and wait for me to catch a bad cold or something?”

 

That wasn’t so funny. Yes, this whole thing was utterly ridiculous but he didn’t get to make light of her.

 

“Listen, Jedi,” she advanced on him, jabbing her forefinger in his face, “If I’d actually wanted to kill you, you’d have been dead years ago. You never would have had a chance to screw up rebuilding the jedi order so much that the whole galaxy is now under the thumb of the academy’s most obnoxious head boy and his wannabe Sith-baby.”

 

He wasn’t as cowed by her vehemence as she’d expected. He raised an eyebrow again.

 

“You preferred Palpatine and Vader?”

 

“At least they had vision.”

 

“Who are you?” he asked again, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

“My name’s Mara Jade,” she answered. The blank look she got in response did not surprise her.

 

“Yeah. I didn’t expect that to clear much up for you. Why are you here?” she threw back at him.

 

“I don’t know,” he answered, “I’m not sure what I expected when I became one with the Force, but it wasn’t your kitchen. Where exactly are we anyway?”

 

“Cynaara, Saliac Ocean.”

 

He nodded thoughtfully to himself, “I’ve never been here before.”

 

“I know.” she replied pointedly.

 

“It’s pretty.” he went on. Was he making small talk?

 

“I spent my last few years near an ocean.”

 

Yes, yes he was. She hated small talk. It was useless and really ridiculous right about now.

 

“How nice for you.” her voice was acid. Most beings shied away from it.

 

This was not most beings.

 

“How long have you been here?”

 

“Three years,” So it was a veiled interrogation, “How long were you staying at your seaside resort?”

 

“Six years.”

 

She nodded. The math worked. It had been about six years ago that his presence had disappeared. That’s when the mental exercises had actually started to work in earnest. It was also exactly right about when the galaxy could have most used Luke Skywalker.

 

“Most people think you’ve been dead a lot longer than you have been.” she noted, “Even I was starting to wonder.”

 

“That was kind of the goal,”

 

“Stupid goal.”

 

His face fell and he nodded.

 

“Yes,” he admitted softly, and far more readily than she’d expected, “But what do you know about it?”

 

She crossed her arms.

 

“Not a whole lot, but I don’t think you need to be a mover and shaker to guess that it’s probably not a good idea for the one guy with the skills to rebuild the institution at the core of the Republic to, instead, cut himself off from the Force and go hide in some unmapped territory.”

 

“Maybe I thought the galaxy was better off without my skill set.”

 

“Fierfek! You’re the only one who thought that. Even I figured out you were needed and I hated you with every ounce of my soul. That ‘skill set’ you ran away from? It’s the whole reason my life has been a nightmare. Did you ever think about that?”

 

He shook his head cautiously.

 

“Have we met?”

 

“No.” She’d made certain of that.

 

Part of her felt for him and his confusion since she knew the rest of her just didn’t have the will to make this easy for him.

 

The admission came on a sigh.

 

“I couldn’t face it. I felt guilty and ashamed. I still do.”

 

She snorted again, “It’s a big club, Membership is free.”

 

All trace of serenity disappeared from him, 

 

“I plunged the galaxy back into the age of darkness it had just gotten out of and ripped my family apart in the process. You’ll have to excuse me if I can’t just snort derisively and brush that off.”

 

The passionate outburst was powerful. It raised white caps on the water below and spun the wind enough to throw the avians off course. His eyes were intense and miserable.

 

For a moment she was frightened - and then his words sank in.

 

“You think it’s all your fault?” she blurted out, surprised. She’d been hoping for an acknowledgement of mistakes, but this was ridiculous.

 

“You might have been a terrible teacher, but you do know Vader’s Number one fan made some decisions in there too, right?”

 

“I pushed him to it.”

 

“By doing what? Did you accidentally hold the Jedi code upside down and teach him the opposite of it? Was the mask a life day gift?”

 

His eyes narrowed.

 

“I considered killing him to prevent the evil I saw him committing in the future.”

 

She was unmoved.

 

“So what? Lots of people wanted you dead. I spent three decades imagining countless ways of ending your life. Some of them were impressively creative. It didn’t turn you to the dark side.”

 

“I’m not your nephew. I had no idea you hated me. I still don’t know who you are.”

 

“Your own father swung a lightsaber at you every time you met him. He cut off your hand and broke your heart. You haven’t set yourself up as Sheev the 2nd.”

 

He blinked.

 

“How do you know that? Nobody knows that.”

 

“I got the real story. I know better than to believe the legend of an innocent farmboy turned flawless hero. People don’t work that way.”

 

“Oh well that makes me feel better.”

 

“Always been my goal, Jedi.”

 

She did not expect the wry smile and quick chuckle of amusement. “Sure it was. That’s why you use my title like it’s some sort of insult.”

 

She shrugged. He could take it as he wished. He was the one who seemed to think so little of the Jedi, he had tried to take his knowledge to the grave.

 

“I’m sensing some attachment to the Emperor?”

 

“Ah that vaunted Jedi insight. See all, know all is it? Is that why you sense about as much as your average fortune teller?”

 

He pursed his lips but the corners were turned up in a slight smile.

 

“No, that’s because I’m asking you instead of trying to read your mind.”

 

“How polite of you.”

 

“I appreciate the, uh, pep talk, but I’m not the only one radiating pain and sadness here. You seem to have a story to tell. Apparently, it has something to do with me and I can only assume, I’m here to hear it. Unless you have some other insight in matters like these.”

 

So he’d decided to take the direct approach at last. It was refreshing.

 

She sank into a chair and glanced at him where he floated an inch or two off the boards.

 

Eyes squeezed shut, she massaged her temples. She was stalling. There was no particular reason not to explain herself to this dead man other than the fact that it was decidedly embarrassing to tell a total stranger that you’ve been obsessed with him for 30 years

 

Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master: the man whose face had haunted her dreams and crippled her autonomy, whose name she’d heard dozens of times a day for years in a gravelly voice filled with hatred and betrayal, the symbol of everything her early life had opposed and everything the rest of her life could never be.

 

He’d died and promptly been sent to her. What the Kriff, Force?

 

“Sit down, you’re making me edgy.”

 

He clearly found that amusing. For a moment, he looked like he wanted to say something smart, but he kept his mouth shut and reconfigured himself into a casual sitting position on the railing across from her.

 

Good, he was learning.

 

She looked him square in the eye.

 

“The short version is that Palpatine ordered me to kill you and I didn’t do it.”

 

The amusement faded away. She could see him absorbing her words and knew he was studying her face and whatever emotions a jedi ghost could pick up on. 

 

His expression turned thoughtful.

 

“What’s the long version?”


End file.
